Bachelor Finale Recap: Locky's Letters Home
Locky (and his mum) decide who will be his #1 Sister Wife.
"I've finally found Mrs Locky Kuta, #1" Source: Channel 10
The day has finally come to make the big decision. Who will I share my ̶b̶l̶u̶e̶ ̶t̶i̶c̶k̶ heart with? Irena is a nurse, so she will bring my Hydralite when I’ve got Bali Belly, but Bella has 80,000 Instagram followers, and that could be really good for my ̶s̶p̶o̶n̶s̶o̶r̶e̶d̶ ̶t̶r̶i̶p̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶A̶n̶t̶a̶r̶c̶t̶i̶c̶a̶ career.
I had to start the decision-making process as per my contract running shirtless x1 (2 to go) and showing tatt x1. Oshi said it really might help make up my mind. He said being topless has helped all the other bachelors find their first wife. But it didn’t help me mummy. It’s not fair! I want to keep both of them.
"I don't need you nagging me to clean my room Mummy, just make a decision for me!" Source: Channel 10
MUMMY! It was so good to see you my #1 help me choose ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶b̶r̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶t̶e̶d̶d̶y̶ ̶b̶e̶a̶r̶ ̶f̶r̶o̶m̶ ̶h̶o̶m̶e̶ MRS LOCKY ADVENTURE! But mummy, I was so mad that Oshi teased me by having them both meet you together. I had a little bit of hope Oshi had changed his mind on the sister wives pitch ̶o̶r̶ ̶w̶e̶ ̶w̶e̶r̶e̶ ̶o̶n̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶s̶e̶t̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶B̶i̶g̶ ̶L̶o̶v̶e̶. I don’t know why he won’t go for it. Locky and Sister Wives of Kuta would be bonza for Channel 10's low budget trend, and with Locky, it would definitely get the ratings.
But mummy, I’m glad you came. I missed you ̶c̶o̶o̶k̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶d̶i̶n̶n̶e̶r̶ ̶f̶o̶r̶ ̶m̶e̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶t̶u̶c̶k̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶m̶e̶ ̶i̶n̶ but why couldn’t you just tell me what to do li̶k̶e̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶d̶o̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶e̶v̶e̶r̶y̶ ̶o̶t̶h̶e̶r̶ ̶a̶s̶p̶e̶c̶t̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶l̶i̶f̶e̶.̶ ̶What do you mean when you say you want someone who can stand up to me? Do you mean someone I can stand up on a paddleboard with? Oh mummy, it’s too hard. LOCKY NO UNDERSTAND. LOCKY NO DO DECISIONS.
I decided to take them both on one more date. Surely that would help me.
"We both like OUTDOORS!" Source: Channel 10
I took Irena driving through the mud in a Jeep, just to be extra sure IRENA LIKE OUTDOORS. And mummy, you’re right of course, I do need someone that can say ‘no’ to me. Otherwise, at the rate I’m currently spreading around my Little Lock, I could have hundreds of children across Indonesia and Australia within the next nine months! And Mummy, Irena did say ‘no’ to me. I tried to jump out of the Jeep while I was driving to catch a duck and Irena said ‘no’. That must be a sign from the King of Channel 10 himself!
"I"m so glad we finally got a bath. I haven't washed since our last Zoom date." Source: Channel 10
To clean all the mud off, we had a bath in a wine barrel, because this is Budget Bachie and Channel 10 can’t afford to give us showers at this late stage in the season. And well mummy, ̶I̶r̶en̶a̶ ̶h̶a̶d̶ ̶j̶u̶s̶t̶ ̶f̶i̶n̶i̶s̶h̶e̶d̶ ̶g̶i̶v̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶m̶e̶ ̶a̶ ̶w̶r̶i̶s̶t̶y̶ ̶u̶n̶d̶e̶r̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶w̶a̶t̶e̶r̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ I accidentally let it slip that I was falling in love with her. I didn’t mean to mummy, she just did such a good job.
"Can I jump?" Source: Channel 10
I think Oshi felt bad for refusing to let me keep both my ̶s̶i̶s̶t̶e̶r̶ ̶w̶i̶v̶e̶s̶ girlfriends. He smuggled some leftover cash from The Masked Singer budget and splurged on a helicopter for my final date with Bella. I had the best surprise for her. Oshi had called in a favour from his high school orchestra and ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶p̶r̶o̶d̶u̶c̶e̶r̶s̶ I cued them up to play the theme song from ̶C̶h̶e̶f̶’̶s̶ ̶T̶a̶b̶l̶e̶ ̶Locky' s brand new show, Locky’s Real Housewives of Kuta. I wanted to show Bella a glimpse into her p̶o̶t̶e̶n̶t̶i̶a̶l̶ future.
Then mummy, I really wanted to get a new tattoo for Bella, but Channel 10's purse strings are sewed together tighter than the security at Sky Garden Bali and I had to settle for writing a love letter to her on my arm with some connector pens. My contract says I can’t say “I love you” before the finale scene, but it doesn’t says I can’t write it.
LOCKY IS A SMART BOY MUMMY. Source: Channel 10
We put out the candles from the 75% Off Ishka Permanent Closing Down Sale around the pool. It was imperative I got both girls in a bikini to suss their bods ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶g̶i̶v̶e̶ ̶m̶e̶ ̶a̶n̶ ̶u̶n̶d̶e̶r̶w̶a̶t̶e̶r̶ ̶w̶r̶i̶s̶t̶y̶ before my final decision for them to win the grand prize of ME, LOCKY ADVENTURE.
After my final ̶c̶o̶u̶n̶s̶e̶l̶l̶i̶n̶g̶ voice over session, I was so upset mummy. I WANTED (SOB) MY (SOB) MUMMY. LOCKY NO LIKE DECISIONS. MUMMMMMY, I DON’T WANNNNA DO IT!
Then mummy, there was only one thing left to do. I flipped a coin. It was the only way to make this decision. Heads Irena, tails Bella, because let’s be honest mummy, Bella has a finnnnne tail.
"Mummmmmy, I don't wannnna do it." Source: Channel 10
Bella got out of the car in her Tony Bianco heels and mummy, she was dressed like she was hosting a five-year-olds indoor Fairy Birthday Party. That’s NOT OUTDOORS. It’s just not the life I see for myself. Then she told me she couldn’t bear me twin boys immediately. She had to go, but it was still so hard mummy, WHY CAN’T YOU BREAK UP WITH MY GIRLFRIENDS FOR ME?
Animal print = jungle safari adventure. Locky like. You can stay. Source: Channel 10.
But then mummy as soon as I saw Irena, my ̶c̶r̶o̶c̶o̶d̶i̶l̶e̶ tears dried up immediately. She was in animal print, dressed for the wild, where Locky lives. I AM SO IN LOVE WITH IRENA MUMMY. I WANT HER TO BE MY #1 ̶ ̶S̶I̶S̶T̶E̶R̶ ̶W̶I̶F̶E̶ FOREVER!
Reads more of the #1 rated* Bachie recaps here.