Bachelor Recap E08: Locky's Letters Home
I had to keep the Zoom dates under 45 minutes so they were free.
Love in LOCKyDOWN. Source: 10 Play
I know I could come and talk to you since I’m sleeping at your house in my childhood bedroom ̶d̶u̶r̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶l̶o̶c̶k̶d̶o̶w̶n̶, but I’m finding continuing my letters to you quite cathartic. Because mummy, this is the biggest challenge, ̶5̶G̶, J̶o̶n̶a̶t̶h̶a̶n̶, the producers have thrown at me yet. Staying inside, mummy! Because LOCKY LIKE OUTDOOR. But I’m not going to let it get me down, I will not give up. This c̶h̶a̶l̶l̶e̶n̶g̶e̶ pandemic will not stop me from finding ̶m̶y̶ ̶b̶l̶u̶e̶ ̶t̶i̶c̶k̶ love.
"I should have kept some more non-blondes. I can't tell these girls apart." Source: 10 Play
The hardest part is ̶w̶o̶r̶r̶y̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶a̶b̶o̶u̶t̶ ̶w̶h̶e̶n̶ ̶I̶'̶l̶l̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶a̶b̶l̶e̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶g̶e̶t̶ ̶b̶a̶c̶k̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶K̶u̶t̶a̶ missing my girls. I’m so upset I can’t be with my ̶s̶i̶s̶t̶e̶r̶ ̶w̶i̶v̶e̶s̶ girlfriends in person. If I can’t be with them at all times, how I will be sure they’re not responding to all the ̶f̶o̶r̶m̶e̶r̶ ̶B̶a̶c̶h̶e̶l̶o̶r̶e̶t̶t̶e̶ ̶c̶o̶n̶t̶e̶s̶t̶a̶n̶t̶s̶ guys that slide into their DMs? I’m the only one who’s allowed to be polygamous around here! Luckily, Oshi had my back and sent all the girls ̶M̶a̶c̶B̶o̶o̶k̶s̶ ̶ unbranded laptops bugged with spyware. So now mummy, I know exactly what my girlfriends are doing at all times, like Big Brother. But Oshi tells me that’s another show that I’m not on (remind me to apply for that if I can’t get back to Kuta) and I shouldn’t tell the girls I’m watching them 24 hours a day. Also, mummy, I do wonder where Channel 10 found the budget to buy 10 ̶M̶a̶c̶B̶o̶o̶k̶s̶ ̶ unbranded laptops when I couldn’t even get a bit of Mersey Valley and some Sa-Ka-Tas on my dates in the Ishka Mansion!
My s̶i̶s̶t̶e̶r̶ ̶w̶i̶v̶e̶s̶ girlfriends might not be allowed to talk to anyone but me during LOCKyDOWN, but I’m allowed to talk to all of them, obviously. This is LOCKY’S SHOW. I’ve been ̶s̶e̶n̶d̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶u̶n̶s̶o̶l̶i̶c̶i̶t̶e̶d̶ ̶d̶i̶c̶k̶ ̶p̶i̶c̶k̶s̶ ̶ chatting to one of the blondes quite a bit, which I know you know, because she’s the one I was s̶e̶x̶t̶i̶n̶g̶ talking to when you came downstairs and yelled at me the other night for being too loud when I was belting out on the karaoke machine. Well anyway, I still had her in my phone as 'Blonde #6' and I felt a bit bad. You raised me better than that, so I invited her on the first official date of Love in LOCKyDOWN.
̶T̶h̶e̶ ̶p̶r̶o̶d̶u̶c̶e̶r̶s̶ ̶ Oshi must have really reached down the back of the couch for those ̶M̶a̶c̶B̶o̶o̶k̶s̶ ̶ unbranded laptops because for our date all we got was some Old El Paso and not even both hard and soft shells, we only got hard shells and mummy you know I like both!! Porque no los dos? I bet Tim 'Pierce' Robards would have gotten both. I was really mad at Oshi after that mummy, but he said we had to do something quick and easy to keep the Zoom date to under 45 minutes so it was free.
I wanted HARD AND SOFT TACOS! Source: thebizofbaking.com
I needed to relax, rid myself of ̶m̶y̶ ̶b̶l̶u̶e̶ ̶b̶a̶l̶l̶s̶ tension, so ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶p̶r̶o̶d̶u̶c̶e̶r̶s̶ I invited Izzy to have an iso bath. And mummy, I played such a funny joke. Since I was in my childhood bath, I pulled out my old floaties. Hahaha, what girl wouldn’t be turned on by a grown man surrounded by his childhood bath toys?!
"Want to see what's under the bubbles?" Source 10Play
Moving on mummy and well, it’s official. The last $5 of the budget was spent on the Old El Paso, because I had to provide the costumes for the next date - but luckily, I’m an ideas man. You see, every time I buy 10 Bingtang singlets from my man Ketut in Kuta, he gives me a free onesie. So I had A LOT lying around. I sent them to the girls to wear for our next c̶h̶a̶l̶l̶e̶n̶g̶e̶ group date on Zoom.
Yes. Source: 10play
We played ̶z̶o̶o̶m̶ ̶t̶r̶i̶v̶i̶a̶ ̶ '20 Questions'. ̶T̶h̶e̶ ̶p̶r̶o̶d̶u̶c̶e̶r̶s̶ The girls submitted anonymous questions for each other. Someone was so silly and wasted their question mummy. They asked, “Are you here for your social media presence?” Everyone knows that’s THE ONLY prerequisite for this show! ̶T̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶b̶e̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶w̶h̶i̶t̶e̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶u̶n̶d̶e̶r̶ ̶3̶0̶. Then, mummy, someone poked the beast and asked R̶o̶̶̶x̶̶̶i̶̶̶ Prisonbreak about her 'secret boyfriend'. And mummy, she flipped her lid... again. She left the Zoom date. I was more scared than when I accidentally drank the tap water in Bali. I tried to stay calm. Maybe she still has dial-up like us and her connection cut out? But mummy, just to be sure, can you ̶c̶h̶e̶c̶k̶ ̶u̶n̶d̶e̶r̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶b̶e̶d̶ make sure the doors are locked, please? Our home phone is still a silent number, right?
Mummy, I didn’t sleep all night, so the next night, I asked Prisonbreak to go into a private online HouseParty room with me as soon as the cocktail party began. I had to make sure ̶s̶h̶e̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶n̶’̶t̶ ̶a̶c̶t̶u̶a̶l̶l̶y̶ ̶h̶i̶d̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶c̶l̶o̶s̶e̶t̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶a̶ ̶k̶n̶i̶f̶e̶ she was okay. She was thankfully in a room without a ̶b̶a̶t̶m̶a̶n̶ ̶d̶o̶o̶n̶a̶ ̶c̶o̶v̶e̶r̶ canopy four-poster bed, so not mine. But mummy, I found something more disturbing in the background of our Zoom chat - a Bali 9 book. What does that mean? I sent Irina a sneaky side text begging her to come and save me.
"Does this mean we can send her back to prison?" Source 10 Play
While I was ̶s̶e̶x̶t̶i̶n̶g̶ chatting with Irina, I know the other girls were all fighting, but mummy, that’s the one thing about being in LOCKyDOWN that’s much better than being with my 10 s̶i̶s̶t̶e̶r̶ ̶w̶i̶v̶e̶s̶ girlfriends in real life - I can MUTE them!
"I can't hear you! LOLLLLZ" Source: 10 Play
It was time for the Rose Ceremony...but wait mummy, there was a blonde I did not recognise. Oshi DM’d me that her name was ‘Bel.’ I didn’t know there was another Bel. I just kept saying ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶w̶i̶n̶n̶e̶r̶ Bella’s name over and over and the producers must have added Bel 2.0 to the mix. Locky was confused and Locky doesn’t like being confused. She had to go.
Love ya, Lock