“Does he want a jailbird or a hot bird?”
By Katherine Lambert
I know I say 'what a week!' every time about this show, but hot dayymn this has been a hectic week on Bachelor in Paradise!
I’ll try and summarise.
First of all, Mary, your accent is out of this world. It’s like a strong Brazilian accent combined with a grating Australian one. Sorry, but I have a bit of a love-hate relationship with it.
Everyone seems content in Paradise until ‘Hurricane Keira’ struts through the door.
Keira’s given the luxury of blindly asking questions to all the boys and choosing someone for a date. She gets Connor, which has pros and cons.
Pro, he doesn’t know who she is, so not swept up in her history of Bachie.
Con, he doesn’t know who she is.
After the arrival of Keira, another Bula Banquet strikes, and Keira is intent on causing some drama.
"I gave Brittney my rose because I couldn't imagine waking up in Paradise without her here," said Jamie. Lovely words to hear, yet he also talks about how much Helena ‘gets him’ and has a tough conversation with Brittney during the banquet. He won’t admit any further than friends to Brittney, making it clear that’s all he sees with her.
"I don't know what Jamie's here for but he's the biggest man child I've ever known," said Brittney. You said it girl.
While Alisha is upset on Brittney's behalf, having gone through the same bullshit herself, Keira asks Alisha what her problem is. Clearly there to make an impact, Keira keeps pushing Alisha about an Instagram chat conversation they had. It’s very attacking, and Connor is left wondering where his date from this afternoon has gone.
Also, Glenn – what a hero! He steps in for Alisha when she’s being berated by Keira.
Now, Ciarran is with Jess, however ends up bed-hopping again and spends the night with ex-Renee.
Jess was off camera feeling unwell for a day or so – then as soon as Kiki enter Paradise, Ciarran wants absolutely nothing to do Jess, who he was inseparable from mere days ago (until he fell asleep next to his ex).
The audacity.
Jess is now on the hunt for a rose from someone else, because Ciarran clearly isn’t giving it to her. Honestly, that guy.
"I don't like to be bitchy about girls, but she's Crazy," said Jess about Keira, after her date with new boy Alex (Aquaman x Wolverine young’n). That’s a purposeful capital C, people.
The cocktail party approaches and after it, the rose ceremony with the boys ‘in power’. Alex is 50/50 between Keira and Jess.
“Does he want a jailbird or a hot bird?” said Keira.
“It's all about screen time in this place and I haven't had enough," Keira.
In other news, Timm has to briefly step out of Paradise to be best man at a mate’s wedding. Brittany and Timm have a pretty strong relationship going, so she isn’t concerned in the slightest.
Jamie on the other hand.
“I'm very depressed because I've never done a cocktail party without Timm”
“I talk to Timm when I wake up in the morning, I talk to Timm when I go to bed at night,” he continues, while Brittany looks at him pathetically.
Did anyone else think Ciarran wasn’t wearing a shirt?
Next, Matt, (BMX kid from Angie’s season) rocks up and takes Renee away for a day date. Ciarran is fuming. They’re all mates, so if only Matt had the decency to ask his permission to take his ex on a date, things would’ve been just fine (according to Ciarran).
Read from that what you will, but Ciarran acts like a sore loser. After going through some four girls he still has the nerve to be pissed off when Renee gets chosen for a date.
Jamie also seems to be going a little mad. He's point blank admitted he wants Brittney’s rose – not because he's into her (that would be insane) – but because he thinks there's someone still coming into Paradise that could be right for him.
Like Megan Marks, who he’s never so much as mentioned before now. Keira was also mentioned a few days ago. He’s basically in love with the whole island (except Britt).
Let's also remember that Jake walked out last week to pursue ex-girlfriend Megan Marks, so I don't think she's coming back to the house anytime soon.
Brittney loses her shit because she’s actually interested in a new guy, Jackson (I know, more intruders, can you keep up?) and Jamie is speaking like they’re together.
The only other single woman at this stage is Cass, and it suddenly becomes a race between Cass and Brittney for Jackson’s attention. They try and talk it out, but it doesn’t go down so well.
Cass: Hey girl, could I have a chat with you? Brittney: Sure thing, girl. Cass: Thanks, girl. GIRL.
It’s passive-aggressive.
"I'm not too worried about Brittney, she's not really much competition." Wow Cass, tell us what you really think.
Look, in a perfect world, Cass would give her rose to the other new boy Scot, and Brittney could finally give her rose to someone other than Jamie.
A fishy fishy fishy.
It’s the first thing that came to mind, don’t ask me why.
BUT, in a crazy case of the producers planned it this way, Cass is chosen before Brittney to give her rose, meaning she could snap up Jackson.
Calling it now, Mary could not play poker.
Brittney is devastated, but far too annoyed from dealing with Jamie that she gives her rose to Scot instead, who’s barely had 48 hours in Paradise.
Three gents are now booted from Paradise after this huge rose ceremony, including Jamie. Before walking out he declares he’s going to find someone like Helena (or Helena herself, it was unclear) much like Jake did.
This really does put the nail in the coffin for Brittney, who wasn’t sure about choosing Scot over her friend Jamie, but after that, they’re donnne!
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All images courtesy Network 10.
