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Bachie in Paradise: LAL Weekly Recap 5

You don't need to have solved a million homicides to know who's in this for the blue Instagram tick.


By Katherine Lambert


Heading into the last week of Paradise and we’re seeing the aftermath of the rose ceremony. Naturally, there’s tension between Cass and Brittney. It doesn’t help when the next day a date card arrives and it goes to Cass! She takes Jackson (shock) and Brittney is devastated. PSA, I think we all need to take a moment to appreciate Kiki, who’s a bloody bombshell in Paradise and any man, especially Ciarran, would be lucky to have her. Moving on.

A new chick enters Paradise and she looks awe-some! Mainly cause she looks like an authentic, down to earth chick. Loving it. Her name’s Keely, but clearly Keira has a problem with that, because she’s just taking the piss and calling her every name under the Fijian sun bar that.

“There are so many names to remember, the bartender… the housekeeper…”

Alex is keen on Keely, yet Keira is holding on tighter.

Cuties. Another Bula Banquet is looming. Fun fact about the Bula Banquet, they always bring out a question box to anonymously ask whatever you’d like. Tonight’s theme is ANYTHING. A lot happens, but the most drama comes from both the Keira-Keely situation with Alex wanting to get to know Keely, and the Matt-Ciarran-Kiki situation where Kiki doesn’t know that Ciarran slept with Jess B, and Ciarran is still bent out of shape about Matt dating his ex, Renee. Alisha is there to get the truth out and help the ladies find an honest man, while Timm loves a good pot stir. He literally blows on the fire then watches it burn. He asks the question of whether Renee’s feelings for Matt are genuine, or she’s just dating him to get back at Ciarran. While all this is happening, the other contestants are watching showdowns happen left, right and centre. “Holy crap, I can’t believe I forgot my popcorn again,” said Mary. This chick is growing on me.

Plus, her commentary is absolutely on point. She should be narrating this thing or hell, start doing recaps herself. Source: GiPHY Banquet over, drinks drunk, and the lads start being confrontational, yelling in each other’s faces. There are SO MANY coloured party shirts that my eyes are hurting:

What's a group of boozed-up angry lads called? Source: BBC One Security is called. Lights out kids. Monday night sees a rose ceremony with the lads having the power. Alex is spoilt for choice with new girl Keely; Cass, who has suddenly decided to pounce on him after Jackson made it very clear he was sticking with Brittney - GO Britt - and Keira. The girls are jostling to be first in line for his rose and…Keira gets it. It’s kind of a shame because she was being all ‘I’m 100% getting his rose’ about it. But better than Cass getting it, in my opinion. Only because she was so candid about why she really wanted the rose. She didn't even try to pretend to be into him!

It can't have been that hard. Plus, in a quick turn of events following the explosive Bula Banquet, Brittany and Timm decided to leave the island together. “You’re my ride or die,” said Timm. We barely get so much as a Moce! before they’re gone. I’ve just overheard them on the radio and – SPOILER – they’re no longer together. But fair enough, Britt said they weren’t suited in the outside world and he wasn’t ready for everything he was promising. I’d back her on that. Tuesday night's episode sees the 'human lie detector', who has an impressive score card featuring the LAPD, FBI and US Secret Service, to come and interrogate the contestants. (He's also a keynote speaker and coach. Look it up.) Steve Van Aperen, aka Paradise's answer to Liam Neeson in Taken, watches silently from beneath a palm while the couples build rafts. Individual and couple interviews follow, but you don't need to have solved a million homicides to know who's in this for the blue Instagram tick. Tune in tonight for the next enthralling episode, 7.30pm on Channel 10. Families crash Paradise, plus, there's promise of a commitment ceremony, the L-word and Ciarran chucking and tanti. All Bachelor in Paradise images sourced from Network 10.

Everything you need for the conversations you have at brunch.

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