Recap: Emily In Paris Season 3 Review
Don't pretend you didn't hate watch every awful minute of it.
I need this outfit in my life. Image: Netflix.
So, I imagine we all spent those weird few days between Christmas and New Year's Eve the same - horizontal, lamenting how much we ate, unsure of the day or time or planet we are on, and of course, binge watching the entirety of Emily in Paris Season 3 in a single setting.
Now, while I have no shame in admitting I watch it (just let us like what we like!) I am also aware that it is awful. I feel guys don't get the concept of 'hate watching' as much as girls do. Like, do I hate everyone and everything and the script and every plot and every line and every minute? Yes. But did I also smash it in one go? Also yes.
(Well, that last bit was a lie. I downloaded it all to watch on a plane, patting myself on the back for my forward thinking. Turns out I downloaded Season 2, and had no choice but to watch Emily not speak French all over Paris and Saint Tropez all OVER again!)
That said, it is a fun watch that is light hearted with great scenery, fashion, and good-looking people doing dumb shit. For those who complain that no-one could have this job and designer wardrobe - I mean, obviously. It's a fantasy, lighten up! And let's be real, when the script gets cringy af, at least we have the clothes to look at, and in this season, costume designer Pat Field did not disappoint.
But there are other things that really got our goat (warning - spoilers for Season 3 ahead!!) Like...
Why the fuck hasn't Emily moved?
Like - you almost destroyed Gabriel and Camille's relationship. And while of course it takes two to tango, Gabriel was in his apartment first, lives with Camille, and his restaurant is across the road. So maybe - go away and give them some space to get their lives on track after you fucked her boyfriend, you illiterate sociopath?
What's gonna happen with Alfie?
Look, full disclosure - I have never been Team Alfie. Don't get me wrong - as an actor, he's hot as fire (and the rumoured next 007 - big tick!) But as a love interest for Emily, I just don't think they mesh well together. Alfie is witty and sarcastic and suave and Emily is... none of these things. I don't understand their relationship aside from under the sheets. So, I wasn't too upset when they broke up, although hate that it's because Emily betrayed him after basically promising she wouldn't.
When will someone finally tell Emily to shut the fuck up?
Particularly around work. Like, I know it's an American thing to froth your job, but come ON. She was SO annoying with Mindy's new bf, bringing up campaigns at every opportunity, in Saint Tropez, with Alfie, with Gabriel, her work and personal life are so intertwined because she never stops. Give it a rest and find something else to talk about! Work is not your personality!
Dammit her wardrobe is good though. Image: Netflix.
When will Emily learn more than two words of French?
I mean, learning a new language is hard. I did one Czech lesson and couldn't even tell you how to say hello (in my defence, my 'teacher' was the institution's 14 year old daughter who rolled her eyes and started the lesson by speaking to me in full Czech despite me never having uttered or heard a word of it, ever). But Emily lives and works in Paris, and has weekly lessons. Try a bit harder - talk with your mates in French, see French movies, order more French food - have some joie de vivre!
Why does Emily ruin everything?
(I know, I'm being hateful. This isn't a slight on Lily Collins by the way, who is cute and gorgeous, it's the character, okay!) But look at every drama:
Camille and Gabriel break up - because of Emily.
Mindy's new boyfriend's new business venture goes down - because of Emily.
Alfie is hurt again - because of Emily.
And yes, she gets new campaigns for her company (by the way, never had a marketing job where I get to run around going to cool shit in Chanel during the day in the name of 'work') but now her colleague Julien is all, 'what about moi?' and about to leave. Emily, Emily, Emily!
Why didn't Sylvie give Luc her ticket to the opera?
Poor old Luc. Yes he was annoying, but did anyone else feel so bad when Sylvie ditched him to go to the opera alone? I thought at least she was gonna give him her two tickets! I mean, just as well considering her ex-husband-but-not showed up, but still. Vicious!
Also side note - did we know Luc liked women?
Mindy (Ashley Park) is sexy af, can act, sing, dance, speak three languages - we all know who the real GOAT of EIP is. Image: Netflix.
Why was Mindy's boyfriend the one who apologised?
Okay, I might get some heat for this. So Mindy's new dude, Nicolas, is obviously a rich douchebag. But you know - he's your best friend's rich douchebag. Planning an elaborate way to set him up for public shame and embarrassment in front of his family, friends, guests and online audience was SO uncool, and there were definitely ways to go about it that either a) didn't do that or b) didn't show you as the culprit. Maybe Em needed to realise not everything goes her way?
So while he asked her to leave Mindy's party in a shady way which was SUPER uncool, I get why he despised her. I would too.
Why was Emily so self righteous about Camille's affair?
At Camille and Gabriel's engagement party, Emily reveals that she knows about Camille's affair with Sofia and demands that she tells Gabriel. But maybe, Em babe, - stay the fuck out of it? Cos you almost ruined their entire relationship? And you've been having an emotional affair (which is an affair) with Gabriel this whole time? And you also were gonna go to Saint Tropez with a guy while still in love with Gabriel and therefore have no moral ground to stand on?
Maybe - just maybe - leave Camille and Gabriel the fuck alone?!
No-one who cuts their own bangs has them come out as good as this. No-one! Image: Netflix.
What happens now?
This leaves us with our Season 3 cliff hangers:
Camille leaving Gabriel at the aisle after telling him she knows he loves Emily.
Emily not only sitting right there but then HANGING AROUND AFTERWARDS. Like...GIRL. You are on Camille's PARENTS' PROPERTY. Get on that helicopter, STAT!
Camille being pregnant - surely a normal person would then back right out of the situation? But it's Emily, so...
Alfie and Emily breaking up, but Alfie still being the CFO of Anton's company, who work with Emily's marketing agency. Awkward.
Mindy being torn between her richboi partner and Eurovision dreamer.
Sylvie perhaps ruining her ex-husband-but-not's chance of a Paris club after her run-in with his investor.
Look, no gonna lie. It was awful.
I can't wait for Season 4.