The Netflix Christmas Season has taken a sharp turn due south.
Source: Digital Spy
This segment is from the podcast episode, 'This Is Your (Social) Life. Listen below where you get your pods:
Our lady lead is Erica, played by Kat Graham whom you may recall from critically acclaimed productions such as Vampire Diaries and Honey 2. Erica is an ambitious, super career driven and totally obnoxious, congresswoman's aid in D.C. She’s having a lot of success in her career, doing things like Christmas shopping for her boss. She obvi hasn’t hit 30 because she would have definitely given up if she had.
Her congresswoman boss needs to shut down some army bases to save those tax payer dollars, because optics. There’s one base that’s a gimme. They just spend their tax paid time dropping off Christmas gifts to the surrounding islands. Murica is a military power and they should be dropping bombs, not love.
She gives zero fucks that it’s Christmas and sends Erica to this island base in Guam to find all the reasons to shut them down. The island is stunning, like the kind Kimmy K rented out for her bday, but with an airforce base. The position of the base is actually highly strategic, which I’m sure actually is important, just not to this movie.
Then we meet pilot Andrew, who you’ll only know as Cato in the Hunger Games. He’s as average as his name suggests. He is just a real nice guy. We meet him while he’s Christmas carolling over skype with is family, which as someone who hates Christmas carols is an immediate de-rection.
Cato is tasked with showing Erica around the island. Their opposing personalities obviously clash, so they have some witty hate banter while they get to know each other, except it’s not witty, it’s cringe and painful and I suggest you watch the first 30 minutes of the movie on mute.
Cato clears up the Christmas Drop Operation and explains that it’s actually training to fly the planes and nothing else is on the taxpayer dollar. It's all volunteer work. Problem solved. That could have been a phone call. Case closed, can this movie end now please?
But her boss is like, "I need to close three bases, so you need to write a fake report."
But Cato shows her the island and she’s like "it’s so pretty." And she meets the locals and she’s like, they’re so nice. They all even sing Christmas carols on a ukulele together and omg this guys ick factor is off the charts. After that Erica’s like “I can’t shut down this army base that helps all the people on this pretty island.”
"One virgin vodka cranberry please". Source: Tell Tale TV
By this point she’s feeling vulnerable and I guess like a regular person, not a stone cold DC, they have a D&M.. and here we go. It’s on. She is also now highly invested in this Operation Christmas Drop situation.
Just when I thought I couldn’t be any more turned off by Cato, they go to a party on the island and I catch a glimpse of his footwear while they’re dancing to Christmas carols no less. He’s wearing thongs, and not Havis, the thick material type that American’s wear. Vom.
Oh no, there’s a typhoon heading to the Islands and they won’t be able to fly their planes to deliver the Christmas drops on Christmas. But what they can do is keep packing and sorting the donations and hope for a Christmas miracle.
Uh oh, her boss shows up. I think the only one wasting tax payer money is the congresswoman flying herself and her staff around to tropical islands to investigate things that could have been phone calls.
Cato’s dealing with the stress.. by drinking.. Cranberry and soda. Of course.
But, what’s that, a Christmas miracle, the typhoon has been downgraded. They can fly and complete the Christmas drop. Even better, they convince the congresswoman that they’re doing good work and the cornerstone of her campaign was to make the world a better place, and these people are making the world a better place. It’s beautiful.
Oh what fun it is to ride in Army Fighter Jet, hey!
Mission Accomplished. The congresswoman had a ball and she offered Erica a promotion. What a successful mission.
Oh, and her and Cato kiss at the end. Which was actually a mild surprise considering they had zero chemistry whatsoever.
Best part of this movie was that I was watching it while knee deep in rose and I had the best chocolate brownie of my life, so literally nothing about the movie.
2/10.
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