• Jessica Taylor Yates

How To Fix Your 2000s Beauty Blunders

I blame Paris for most of it.

You did this. Source: Daily Mail

Guys, we've all been there. Look at any picture from 2000-2006 and the fash and beauty choices are sheer cringe. Eyebrows thinner than Heidi Klum after four kids, tan more orange than Donald Trump and hair heated so straight you're probably still living with the repercussions of what you put yourself through all those years ago.

Luckily, help is on the way! We got in touch with renowned hair and make-up artist Jemma Psaila from Geelong-based Jemma Hair and Make-Up, who for over 15 years has worked on campaigns such as the Miss. Universe finals, Karen Gee Official, Cotton On shoots and the blue-tick brigade that is the Brownlow WAGs, so you just know she knows her shit. Plus, she went through all the below trends - so she can help us get out of them. So, let's get her help with:

Plucked eyebrows too thin and now they don't grow

Step away from the tweezers, young me! Source: NBC

Ugh, whoever started the Thin Eyebrows Cult that we all joined in the early 00's needs to be shot immediately. I don't know why we all got off on looking permanently surprised. Luckily, says Jemma, these days there is a multitude of options. "Look...the majority of us had Nike ticks for eyebrows back in the 2000s," says Jemma and PAUSE FOR LAUGHTER. Okay moving on, "Now fluffy full eyebrows are in, so how do we achieve this? Many of us haven't been able to regrow those bad boys!" The answer, says Jemma, is feather/combination tattooing, which "is very big at the moment!" Jemma warns to choose your eyebrow artist wisely, as this process "can look very natural, although you have to be very careful as I have seen some shockers! Drawn too high, wrong colour etc...and you are stuck with them for quite some time." If you're not ready to go as permanent, Jemma suggests getting them regularly tinted, which "darkens all the little fair hairs you can't see and makes them appear thicker". For our in-between friends who aren't sure, a good segway into eyebrow tattooing is an eyebrow lamination, as "this makes them look fluffy and full." Jemma advises that both tinting and lamination last about a month or so.

Wore such heavy earrings that your earlobes are about to split

Them J. Lo hoops were the shit. Source: mTV

So, I suffer from this badly. I was wearing drag-queen style earrings weighing 10kg from my ears since primary school. "BIGGER!" I would shout, wearing anything from clip-ons, my grandma's hand me downs, garage sale earrings, the bigger and heavier the better. (Minimalism is never a strong point in an extroverted Jewish family). The point is, now I look like an ex-stretcher kid, and I'm this close to them splitting open like my jeans after pasta.

According to my research (read: two second Googling), if this gets really bad and they do split, an earlobe repair is an option, which is basically cosmetic surgery to stitch it back up again. But then - what will I do with the white gold hoops I got for Chanukah?!