“I Was Obliterated In One Afternoon By The Angriest Nannas You Ever Saw"
The instANGRY Boomer Pandemic.
What do you call Karen's mum? Source: Shutterstock.
I watch reality trash tv for the same reason I squeeze those massive PMS zits on my chin every month. I know I’m going to hate myself at the end of it, but I physically cannot stop myself.
When you’ve spent nine hours typing on a computer at a thankless job, your brain doesn’t want to go home and think. The only thing you can do is stare blankly at predictable plots being played out by the same 20 white people from last year with slightly different names and jobs.
There are three reality shows on TV that bring my hubby and I nothing but complete and utter joy and (bonus) don’t slowly murder my brain cells. Gogglebox, Travel Guides and Have You Been Paying Attention. Cannot get enough. I turn off the telly actually feeling good about life and the human race.
When I saw that Travel Guides was returning to our screens the other week, I jumped on the couch in exuberance to tune in, only to find that we had yet another episode of MAFS, and Travel Guides wouldn’t return for another two weeks (secretly a win-win.)
Ok, so my first thought upon seeing these promotional ads of my favourite Newcastle family, The Frens, holidaying in exotic locations such as Greece, Turkey and Cambodia, was “HOW?” We couldn’t even visit local Bali, aka ‘The Goldie’ over Easter thanks to that stripper/tradie super spreading all over Byron Bay!
Nevertheless, I was ready for some giggles, so decided to jump on their Insta page to find out the reason behind the delay, only to be bombarded with the most 'Karen-esque' messages from their supposed 'fans.' You’d think with the level of rage evoked, the producers had dropped the superspreader stripper in their houses and contaminated their whole families with COVID. Here are just a few to wet your whistle:
So, so salty. Source: @travelguides via Instagram.
“Not happy with yet another false date!” – I love an exclamation point. Almost makes you miss Trump.
“Ass-hats! What a gee up!" (Insert thumbs down emoji).
“Just press the play button ffs channel 9." (Insert multiple laughing, crying, angry and unimpressed face emojis– this girl had more emotions than flavours in a pack of skittles).
“FFS - (Insert eye roll face emoji – which I didn’t even realise existed) - I’m on the verge of being over it…” Well then, Bye Felicia! (Who incidentally has a profile bio that encourages us to live in the present moment, not dwell on the past or skip ahead to the future plus some love hearts and prayer hand emojis. Ahh, irony gets me so hot).
My favourite viewer writes:
“Well you have certainly upset some people with your bulls#it of mucking around with the day it’s going to start. I was ready to settle in and enjoy the show and now I find myself writing this crap. I’d hate to be hanging by the balls waiting for you to decide when it’s going to start. Signed…a disgruntled passenger."
Maybe this passenger can get a refund on his Opal Card. And when does anyone actually get hung by the balls? Sounds positively ghastly! (Said in my best Hugh Grant voice).
There were plenty more of these gems, plus plenty of spelling and grammatical errors which I’ve edited out to save you the despair I endured.
What’s terrifying is that it’s rarely our generation losing it online over minor inconveniences (presuming you’re also in your late 20s-30s with a heavy dependency on ibuprofen and group chats with your girls that circle around PMS, endometriosis, lack of sleep and digestion problems). We get angry, but it’s over slightly larger, meaningful issues, like social injustice. And we don’t get mean, we get active. These petty fired shots all come from the faces of a pensioner’s insurance commercial: white men and women over 50 whose profile photo is either them cuddling their grandkids or slinging back a VB (it’s a very hard-earned thirst after those Insta tirades).
Lol. Source: GiPHY.
Seriously, why so serious?! (I put that exclamation point in there in case someone tweets this to Biden who might be missing his ol’ Twitter pal). Why so angry?! Why so mean?! You own all the houses, you have all the money, you give no fucks about the environment, so you literally have zero cares. What’s the problem here? Is it just that life is so fast-paced that we’ve run out of time for a little patience? Didn’t these guys grow up with the mantra of, 'if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all?” Where did it all go horribly wrong and why are they so very angry?
It’s been a good three years since I went cold turkey on posting on public social media pages after writing the following on a MAFS Facebook group:
“All these guys eat for breakfast every day is white bread, they must be constipated AF” (see, I told you I talk about the bowel a lot). For this, I was obliterated by the angriest 65-year-old nannas you ever saw in your life:
“Oh look at her the gym junkie. The only one constipated arund here is you, because you have a stick shoved so far up your ass!” - Irate Irene (okay I made the name up, but that's what it should have been).
I deleted my post and removed myself from the group within seconds of reading more of those comments. Some were honestly so hostile and personal that my hands were shaking.
I literally made one silly observation about a baked good. I can only pray that someone would defend me the way Irate Irene defended Baker’s Delight that day.
"Yup, let's definitely piss off the Boomers this week." Source: GIPHY.
I was super disappointed not to watch some travel shenanigans from the Target boys getting homo-erotic massages in South East Asia, but I really don’t think the crew at Channel Nine are sitting at their desks thinking, “How can we fuck these guys over this week? They’ve been through bushfires, pandemics and floods, but let’s really rub the salt in the wound and take away their viewing pleasure and replace it with more scripted commitment ceremonies…yeah!”
I could have jumped online and replied to them in defence of Channel Nine, but then I’ve just been sucked straight in and become part of the problem. I’m working each day at biting my tongue, taking a step back and thinking about something I love doing (ooh that reminds me, I have to book my acupuncture appointment). Life’s way too short for all of this toxicity.
I see now that this might be where I get my bowel chats from too. Source: GIPHY
In all seriousness though, I hope these people are okay. I hope they try tuning out from the news, which is nothing but a list of tragedies and disasters, and flick on some old Seinfeld, Will & Grace and Friends episodes on their iPad whilst washing the dishes. It’s made me a much nicer person. Hell, I even watch The Golden Girls before bed, they’re usually in their nightgowns so it just seems fitting, (but I usually watch a little Buffy before a gym session, she just gets me hyped up for some physical exertion in a way Dorothy Zbornak never could).
Life’s short, go and sprinkle that good shit everywhere. Find the angriest folk at the grocery store, flash ‘em your pearly whites and let them jump in front of you at the checkout. Who knows, you might just change the world, or at the very least their next comment on an Insta post.
Steph is a wellness blogger and singer, living in Cronulla, Sydney with her husband and a few surviving indoor plants.
You can catch more of her articles at www.thebarefootblogger.com