I Went To A Sex Class On The Art Of Female Domination And Here's What Happened

A casual read on BDSM before your morning coffee.

Source: Pixely

Who am I? Source: GiPHY

So basically, I was having lunch with some girlfriends I made over an app in LA, one thing led to another, we were looking at fun things to do. We skipped over the usuals like a hike at Griffith Observatory, saw this and it was basically like waiting for someone to please backout, no one did, and so we all booked whilst eating Korean BBQ at 2pm on a sunny Saturday afternoon.

We drove to an old warehouse that kind of looked like if you picture where you would be murdered/tortured, then this is probably it. Our fearless leader then came out, although not as envisioned. She wasn't in latex or coated in silicone. She was wearing an XL shirt with penguins on it, eyeglasses, jeans and sandals. Nice. Approachable. A homely dominatrix, if you will. She then introduced herself: "Welcome to the Art of Female Domination. I am Madame Lacroux, and have been a Head Dominatrix for over 30 years. I have dominated over ten thousand men, trained over one thousand mistresses, I have now retired to focus on my hobbies - dungeon designing and education, and I am currently running for President of the United States".

Love you! Source: GiPHY

Also, I mean, because OF COURSE. Although to be fair, considering the current candidates, is it really that ridiculous?

A few couples were here to look into how to become professional 'Doms'. My friends and I copied each other's beige-girl answers about 'looking to...uh...learn, expand, grow and just....uh...yep'. I felt like the first chick who would get the boot in The Bachelor and come the recap ep, you'd be like, "Who dis?" I was that boring. I was just in legit in SO much fucking pain from fighting back the urge to laugh myself to a legitimate death, my insides literally felt like they were going to burst. Everyone was just so SERIOUS, but I mean, they found each other. I'm in their world, they're doing their thing, no one forced me here, so that's on me. Some people like to get together and play golf, and others like to sit around learning how to turn your partner into your sissy boy who you can collar and defecate on. I'm in their domain, so respect. Ke Sera, Sera. But like...daytime!

Source: GiPHY

Madame Lacroux informed us that there can be many kinds of kinks, why just yesterday she had a call from a man who wanted to be walked on and watered like grass! She also had a chalkboard (the whiteboard had promotional material for her presidential campaign) where we were encouraged to call out answers to whether a certain activity was 'STINGY' or 'THUDDY' pain - for instance, CBT (Cock and Ball Torture guys, keep up) that falls under STINGY, whereas spanking, that goes under THUDDY. Prof Sub was feverishly typing down notes as she rested her computer on her assless chaps. You see, she has aims of being a Dom and needs to learn how to become a 'switch'. I would someday like to learn to make a pot roast without burning it. We all have dreams, kid. I was slowly learning just how vanilla mine are.

I am so basic rn. Source: GiPHY

We were then taught the difference between 'VERBAL ABUSE' and 'VERBAL HUMILIATION' that w