• Jessica Taylor Yates and Nicole Sherwin

Bachelor Recap E01: Locky's Letters Home

I think I may have found t̶h̶e̶ ̶w̶i̶n̶n̶e̶r̶ the Bing to my Tang.

By Jessica Taylor Yates and Nicole Sherwin


Dear Mummy,

Well, all the girls are lining up out the door for me, just like you always said they would back when I was your little adventure boy! I mean, some pulled out cos they don’t wanna spend half the year in Kuta with me (maybe Brooke and Jordan have been spreading rumours about my pee pee), but you know what, mummy? This means I’m left with the ones who really want me for my b̶l̶u̶e̶ ̶i̶n̶s̶t̶a̶g̶r̶a̶m̶ ̶t̶i̶c̶k̶ heart.

Remember when I gotcha these on Mother's Day? #nvrforget Source: Locky Gilbert

Mummy, I was so nervous for the first c̶h̶a̶l̶l̶e̶n̶g̶e̶ meet and greet. Jumping off a cliff is one thing, but meeting 23 b̶a̶t̶s̶h̶i̶t̶ lovely ladies all desperate f̶o̶r̶ ̶a̶n̶ ̶i̶n̶v̶i̶t̶e̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶T̶h̶e̶ ̶B̶i̶r̶d̶c̶a̶g̶e̶ to win my heart, that's hard work. They got me all dolled up in a three-piece, which was weird, like, where my loincloth at? The mansion is a beaut though mum. Channel 10 got a real bargain on the decor from a permanently closing down Ishka sale. I'll try and sneak ya some tea lights for the front porch. I'm sure they won't even notice. ;)

Mummy, I met loads of people. The first two birds, I couldn’t really tell apart. They were both young scorchers in red top and skirt combos who like spicy food. You know I don’t like spicy food mummy, ICK! YUCKY! You remember what I was like at that age, just like Miley Cyrus I could NOT be tamed. I thought young guns are meant to be spreading syphilis down Khao San Road, not looking to settle down with MR ADVENTURE. But they're only human I spose.

Now, I know you birds like talking about outfits, so how about the one who was dressed like an ACTUAL BIRD? Mummy this one was cool, she was in all these coloured feathers which reminds me of one of those parakeets I saw when I was ADVENTURING in the Amazon. Also, she’s a dancer, which means F̶̶̶A̶̶̶M̶̶̶E̶̶̶ ̶̶̶a̶̶̶n̶̶̶d̶̶̶ ̶̶̶a̶̶̶ ̶̶̶p̶̶̶o̶̶̶s̶̶̶s̶̶̶i̶̶̶b̶̶̶l̶̶̶e̶̶̶ ̶̶̶g̶̶̶i̶̶̶g̶̶̶ ̶̶̶o̶̶̶n̶̶̶ ̶̶̶D̶a̶̶̶n̶̶̶c̶̶̶i̶̶̶n̶̶̶g̶̶̶ ̶̶̶w̶̶̶i̶̶̶t̶̶̶h̶̶̶ ̶̶̶t̶̶̶h̶̶̶e̶̶̶ ̶̶̶S̶t̶̶̶a̶̶̶r̶̶̶s̶̶̶ ̶she’s fit.