The 1/3 Life Crisis
You can have a quarter-life crisis and you can have a midlife crisis but what about a third life crisis?
It definitely doesn’t have the same ring to it as a ¼ or mid-life crisis, so maybe that’s one reason why it doesn’t exist. But I was watching TV the other day and saw an ad for a pillow that goes between your legs to improve hip alignment and I was like, omg. I need that. Then I was like OMG, when did I stop being 23? And it got me thinking and I realised, there are sooo many markers that tell me I’ve hit 30. And yes, watching free to air TV that is not MAFS or Bachelor is definitely one of them. Because I’m so generous I’m going to share them so you can also recognise the symptoms of a 1/3rd life crisis
You froth a vaccuum
We’ll start small so you don’t go into total shock. This podcast is not about extreme stimulation. You earn enough money to spend $700 on a vacuum and you bloody love that vacuum as much as you love cheese and wine. I literally use my Dyson every day. I would basically put her name on Christmas cards if it wasn’t weird, but it’s totally weird so next.
You basically drive a minivan now
RIP to your little hatchback uni car. Like, remember when you drove in your little Hyundai to your eyelash appointments with just your wallet, phone and your pump bottle of water? You drive an SUV now, specifically a small SUV. You don’t have a family of five, (yet), but it still needs to be big enough to fit a car seat in it. Your life is now driving your big Hyundai to Woolies with your reusable b