• Jessica Taylor Yates

The Block Episode 1: Recap

I wasn't going to recap The Block, but the show was a giant ad, so I had some time.

We are so diverse! Cos there's even a father and daughter! Source: Channel 9


First up, who else watches it the next day? The hour long a̶d̶ episode, not to mention the ads in between the hour a̶d̶ program, I can't. Also, my husband put his foot down and considering I do that with 90% of what he wants to watch, I had to watch at 2pm today, Monday. But hey...I had the time.


So anyway, let's move on. We met the variety of contestants, and when I say variety, I mean the 90% white couples, except for Victoria, with a Greek father and daughter. Represent re! I was disappointed at the staleness of the line-up, but kept watching, cos you know...I was already sitting down.

Source: PinImg.


The first couple, Jimmy and Tam from QLD, made their mark by informing us that she pours the best beer, and that she does modelling to get 'the best builder' from HiPages. Unsure what any of this has to do with building skills, but k.


In NSW, we have George and his partner who I will call 'Label Maker', because she appeared thrilled to show us how she labels things at work, but not so much with the actual labour part of the show. I was concerned she didn't read the fine print and though this was a 'label' show, not 'labour,' as she ends up crying and being awkward and terrified at every prospect...and we're only in ep 1. Gonna be a tough ride sis.



Over in SA, we have Daniel and Jade, who basically have been living in iso their whole lives; and from WA, Luke and Jasmin, who love entertaining us with their crazy witty banter, like that WA stands for Wait Awhile...get it?! (No, me neither). Jasmine tells us that she works while he husband, 'surfs, dj's, models...hahaha PAY SOME BILLS!...hahaha'. Nerv for that tension already (and by nerv I mean, fuck yeah). But also, I feel. If Will and I went on, we'd murder each other Day 1. But, the remaining person would have some free HiPages and Lite n' Easy vouchers, so maybe worth it?


Lastly we've got Harry and Tash from Vic, the first father/daughter combo on the show and DID YOU KNOW THEY ARE GREEK THEY ARE PAINTING THEIR BEACH BOX LIKE GREEK COLOURS COS GREEK. Also I love it. But just saying. Also, when on camera Tash's mum snuck in 'accidentally' with her hair and make-up done and mum, same. I feel you. My dad once appeared on the news walking down the street in a background shot, so he bought a new shirt for it and then gathered us all around the tv to watch his two second cameo, we spoke about it for months. Worth it, is what I'm saying. Anyway, Tash starts crying how much she loves her dad and SAME but not now babe, you're showing too much weakness, everyone knows this is Survivor: Brighton Burbs Edish. Stay strong.

Would Karen from Brighton cry, Tash? No, she'd put on her North Face and get a soy coconut spiced latte. Get a grip. Source: Triple M.


This season there's five houses from the 1910s, 20s, 30s, 40s and 50s and was it KILLING ANYONE ELSE THAT THEY WEREN'T IN ORDER? It was like, put 1930 there, then 1910, then 1950. KILLED me.

You...had ONE job. Ffs! Source: Channel 9


Also unsure how this can possibly be a fair comp, but k. Scotty Cam arrives and tells us it's the first time there's been pools, but didn't Hughesy buy Elyse Knowles' amazing mansion for $3m with that backyard pool?

I see you, Block pool of the past...Source: realestate.com.au



Anyway, forget the facts and MOVE ON. Scotty tells us about the houses, like "OBVIOUSLY behind me is the 1930s house..."

Huh? I mean, oh yeah...Source: GiPHY



Each team needs to each create a Briiiiighton beach box they'll be sleeping in, best one gets first dibs on the real house to renovate. Got it. Label Maker puts on what she calls her 'Blumstones' (Can't) and another changes out of her kitten heels (The Bachelor is the other station hun) and..hairdressers, IT workers, START BUILDING!


Everyone is pretty much in tears when they realise they applied for a building show and now actually have to build something. I'll be honest, watching them make shit is not a highlight for me, get to the make over already. Just like in Snog Marry Avoid and Mounir's Hair Videos on Insta, cut to the CHASE.



Label Maker is gobsmacked and is standing around in her Blumstones just devo about the whole thing. Like, when does she get to go buy the throw cushions and honestly I would be the same.

But I thought I got Adairs vouchers now? Source: Channel 9


After mentioned HiPages approximately 468 times, they each get a chippie to help them build on the building show and PHEW for a minute there they almost had to do manual labour-making. They're all done and dusted, when we get re-introduced to the judges in...the most awkward way possible. The three of them are standing there, and it's like the cameraman started recording before telling them so they're standing around for what feels like an eternity before they start practising their painful routine.


Why was it choreographed by Emma Wiggle? Source: Channel 9


Thankfully this is over quickly, and the judges get to what we all do best: judging.


QLD

Personally as the WFH Judge, this was my fav. Looks like Tammy can pour a beer AND design a sweet pad. It was happy and bright, "so Brighton" apparently but I didn't see Karen, but it showed their personality and 10/10 would sleep in their lil box. I liked.



NSW

Unfortch George and Label Maker spent too much time labelling their pillows, cos it came off a little dark and clausto. Wasn't terrible, but not my beach vibe. Cue tears again and HUN come here for a hug I am legit so nerv for you since it hasn't even started. I'm a crier, but then I know TO NEVER GO ON THIS SHOW EVER SHAYNA WOULD TEAR ME APART.



WA

Next couple have a box with 'gelato colours' which they said on House Rules for completely different colours. I don't understand this term. I get chocolate gelato, yet it never appears. Like...just say pastel? But I digress. "Yummy!" says Shayna as she opens the double doors the beach house and like...is that a new thing to refer to doors? Is this on the Tik to the Tok? I missed the memo but also, hungry now and am ordering gelato on UberEats as I type (chocolate coloured). Love the bedhead and colours, def #2 for me if not a tie with #1. Judges are all excited cos there's towels and thongs and as the resident WFH Judge I am confused because there is no beach, just dirt? And don't they just wear blumstones for the show?



SA

Tbh I just forgot this one altogether and had to remember to add it in. It's...fine? But just like every hotel ever.



VIC

Look, honesty best policy, unfortch my Vic mates didn't really cut it, their painting was a bit off, or what I would call, 'like I would do it', and was dark. Also I had a mild heart attack when I saw there was a double bed FOR THE FATHER AND DAUGHTER TO SHARE, realised they aren't, and are staying in the tents and so I have therefore misunderstood the entire assignment on my first day of Judging. Where are the boxes going? Was the aim for them to be beachy, or liveable? Genuinely confused.


Anyway, we find out in five minutes who won, and by five minutes I mean they'll drag it out for an hour - let's go!

___


Til next week, Blockheads!


The Block Reveals air Sundays at 7pm on Nine.

The Block airs on Channel 9, reveals are Sunday nights at 7:30pm

Follow our recaps here every Monday, or join the chat in the Large Almond Latte Facebook Group. Missed a recap? Get it here.







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