You ask, I deliver.
Happy New Year everybody! How was your Christmas and New Years Eve? Melbourne had perfect weather (a nice sunny Christmas for those in the snow!) my Stevie Wonder with real music cake went OFF (ignore the mooshy fondant)
but Jess who CARES, tell us about the proposal cos YAY!
Image: NBC
So, it starts in Singapore, where Will and I lived out our Crazy Rich Asians fantasies...albeit in a hostel. We were shown around by my gorgeous Malaysian friend and now Singapore expat, Shawn. And what a tour guide! He took us to hot pot (no pasta here, devastating) and provided the quote of the trip- when telling him how our friends organised a pitiful 'karaoke party' that was just singing into a hairbrush with lyrics on Youtube, he asked, startled, "Oh my. Was an Asian person there? Did he commit suicide?"
Anyway. The next part was Langkawi. Guys...I am over anything below 4 star. #Thisis30. Malay 3 star is Australian 2 star, which was dirty foot towels, crappy pool, un-smiley people, and this:
Image: HBO
Worst!
That said, nothing bonds people like hating a common enemy, so on an especially badly organised snorkelling tour, the group got on fabulously by bitching incessantly about how poorly it had been organised. We promised to keep in touch (we didn't) but hatred is good on a holiday. Honestly, 50% of the conversation between Will and I has been the wedding, and the other 50% has been talking wickedly about the staff and people we meet and don't like, which inevitably makes us think we have a lot more in common than we do.
Getting engaged at the start of your holiday is also recommended. It has provided us (read: me) with endless conversation about all things Wedding! Will tunes in sometimes. I told him he was welcome to come to My Event. He replied by asking if he could bring a +1.
Anyway. So that night, Will arranged for a dinner for our four year anniversary, a lovely clifftop restaurant looking at the sunset. Toward the end, he told me to order a dessert. I said I wasn't hungry let's go, he said JUST GET ONE, I said WHY, he said IT'S OUR ANNIVERSARY JUST DO WHAT YOU WANT but it didn't feel like what I want but he was so keen for me to eat and what girl doesn't love that, so I ordered something. Then he said we should get a picture to celebrate which is weird cos Will is anti-pictures (he says, but he LOVES being in them and pretending he doesn't) and handed the camera to a British guy next to us (who seemed miffed we interrupted his meal... honestly, in Singapore Shawn's friends provided LIGHTING to get us the perfect shot!) and anyway, suddenly Will was on one knee, and apparently he was talking but who KNOWS because I was acting like a damn fool crying and being a right sap until he had to prompt me again and apparently he had been on one knee for some time and well he is 33 knees aren't what they used to be and so he got his YES YES A THOUSAND TIMES YES and the restaurant clapped and it was all very cute and public and nice and seemed fast and PHEW that's what happened!
The chosen freeze frame moment is unfortunate.
Anyway. So then people were clapping and he wanted to stay but I was like are you CRAZY it's been 40 seconds and my Mum doesn't even KNOW I cannot take this secrecy any longer and demanded we flee to the hotel to call her immediately. Also started to be unsure about a man who wanted me to keep this a secret from my mum for more than 30 seconds. Stop separating me from my family!
Unfortunately for her, it was around 2am so it took quite a few persuasive calls.When I finally forced her onto Facetime, I tried to be sly slash hilarious by scratching my nose and saying 'my finger hurts!' so she would notice the bling, but, well, turns out Mums aren't their sharpest at 2am so had to just blurt it out. Obviously everyone is very excited (Dad - "Well...that's a shock". I mean...is it? Your daughter has been living with a guy for four years with joint bank accounts and they've gone on holiday...) My sister Emmalee apparently knew for ages, and was waiting for the call (side note- Will said he was going to postpone when he didn't love the restaurant but 'couldn't do it to Em'. Um...steal my moment much? BACK OFF EMMALEE FUCK #Bridezilla2020). Speaking of, Will is already being full blown Groomzilla about symmetry and food. As I said...it is My Event. He may make (unwelcome) suggestions if he chooses, but ultimately it is up to the committee (party of 1).
Pretty much had to spend the next day near the pool/WiFi so I could answer your 1000 texts and calls Will was almost as off me as he is when I play games (11% less apparently. Shawn saw that unfortunate side of me...the side that says there is no I in team, but there is in WIN. Regrets. I've got a few).
I was also dragged to some various zoos, although Langkawi is good cos you can feed the animals and shit. Will loved it. I...completed it.
Around 2pm on a Saturday when Will went to his 16th zoo and I politely declined, I decided it was probably time to start the day, and went across the road to get water. All of a sudden, I think heatstroke must have struck me. I felt SO dizzy and sick, I rushed inside the cafe, up some stairs where I was being pointed, and thought I was going to throw up, but woke up on the bathroom floor with my head next to the toilet and a Malaysian man slapping me saying "Hello! Hello Miss! Wake Up!" Thank f*ck he was there, my lips were white. It was fine, just needed water - although he put tiger balm on my neck and rubbed it, delightful. Will was super jel, which I enjoyed. They all seemed unimpressed he was not there, which was even MORE delightful.
It was fine, I gave them some toy koalas which everybody loves SICK, plus now I have a little bump on my head I can use to rub and look forlorn with whenever Will says 'Who should organise the food/uber/cleaning?' It's a nice distraction from Will's excuse the entire trip, which has been 'Well, I bought the ring, so...'
