The pros and cons of dating in Stage 4 lockdown.
By Gee Kay
Source: GiPHY
Here in the land of lockdown, couples are getting to know each other better than ever. Gifted all this extra time, they are exploring their love and making fun new memories at home (well, as fun as a couples jigsaw party can be). Â
Meanwhile, your single friendâs ongoing quest to find love s̶o̶m̶e̶w̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶b̶e̶g̶r̶u̶d̶g̶i̶n̶g̶l̶y̶ ̶ marches valiantly on. After all, these days, itâs more likely that youâll bump into a panicked Karen at Aldi than the love of your life at The Tote.
Luckily, singles have somewhat of a menu of 21st-century communications to find and nurture budding relationships. That said, although singles are creatures of independence and resilience, theyâve had to flex both their expectations and creative spirit to find a âreal connectionâ.Â
Here, we explore their options (cue SVU music: Dun-DUN!)
The Text
Ugh texting, getting the emoji right, who needs it? Source: CBS
ProsÂ
Ultimate low involvement, low maintenance encounter (some might say, like a certain podcast..)
âMeetâ lots of people at onceÂ
The luxury of time to compose a witty replyÂ
Grammar police kink (you know who you are)
Can use millennial favourites: Emojis and GIFsÂ
Easy to multi-task: cooking, cleaning, using the bathroom etc
Cons
Added screen time to already long days onlineÂ
Can be a lot of time investment for little rewardÂ
Possible catfish đ€
The Phone Call
I shoulda left my phone at home cos this is a dis-as-ter! Source: Lady Gaga / Beyonce, Youtube
Pros
Added tone of voice to decipher sarcasmÂ
Can decide if voice is sexy/not sexyÂ
Opportunity to judge karaoke abilityÂ
Can wear anything (or nothing...)
Cons
Multi-tasking more challenging (however, not impossible)Â
The Video ChatÂ
Oh, so we're wearing clothes? All good, just reading the room...Source: FOX
ProsÂ
Itâs only POLITE to receive a tour of their place. Easy to scan and snoop. (Wait, is that aâŠframed photo with Sam Newman?!)Â
Actual reason to find and wear those clothes that people used toâŠlike shirts, dresses and stuff
Crack out that make-up (or just light a candle and select 'touch up my appearance' online)
Get to see their laugh/smile đ
Can judge their choices from the comfort of home: outfit, home decor and internet stability Â
Bonus proÂ
Potentially meet their dog before due timeÂ
Cons
Potentially meet their housemate/family member before due timeÂ
The Sober Masked Walk (1 hour max, within 5km radius, between 5am-8pm)
Hey hey, my my, sexy eyes...Source: GiPHY
ProsÂ
Check out their stride đ
Determine if height stated on dating profile is accurateÂ
Time limit makes leaving easier - no need to make up an excuse đ
Opportunity to make use of those expressive brows and rediscover the lost art of eye contactÂ
You can smell them and judge personal hygiene habits accordingly
ConsÂ
AwkwardÂ
Uncomfortable
SweatyÂ
Absolutely impossible to lip read
The Drunk Masked Walk (1 hour Max, Within 5km radius, Between 5am-8pm)
Lack of bathroom options makes a first date a tad awkward...Source: Disney Pixar
Pros
More fun than The Sober Masked WalkÂ
Fun and naughty secret that you share together (other walkers oblivious! Hehehe)
Reason to pre-drink at home (day drinking alone repositioned as essential date prep!)Â
ConsÂ
Limited kick on options with the olâ playground swings goneÂ
Hard to understand slurred words under the mask
Canât driveÂ
Nowhere to pee (!!!!!!!!)Â
The âIntimate Partnerâ Home VisitÂ
Safe sex just got a whole new meaning...Source: GiPHY
Pros
No more ambiguity and awkward âWhat are we?â conversations. Your relationship status is now defined by Dan Andrews and the law!
Cons
Committing to be in their bubble/total monogamy on the first meet (note: could also be a positive)
8pm curfew means you gotta commit to the bit đ
____
AAAAND thatâs it. All the options. In Stage 4. Literally - that's it. So stay safe lovebirds! And remember - if itâs not on, itâs NOT ON đ·
COMING SOON: STAGE 3*
Masked walk outside of 5km (helllooo, other side of the river! đ)
A romantic stroll through the wide and mysterious aisles of Bunnings, featuring a bonus decent step count (and wood).Â
*Timing very TBC
Cover image by ST ILLUSTRATION: CEL GULAPA