When They Go Low, We Go High
And no, I don't mean this in the First Lady sense. It's something that cuts way deeper...into my hips.
Is anyone else seriously stressing tf out about old trends coming back?!
Goodbye, skinny jeans
First, Gen Z cancelled our skinny jeans, which look, I know made a wave of elder millennials and Gen X-ers go mad. But when you think about it, after those Covid kilos, I could use a little breathing room, à la the slightly less invasive 'mom'-jean (do we say 'mum' jean in Aus? It feels weird even though we say mum? Help.)
Lol that this was done as a joke but we all wear this now? Fashion is so weird. Source: GiPHY
The Visible G-Banger
Then they came for our sensibly-fitted underwear, with the elusive new 'flash your g-bang' trend. I did it at 13 (gross, my poor, poor mother). It was tacky and embarrassing the first time around, and I do not need to see it again. But you know, pre-pubescents hips don't look like a Christmas ham when they do this, so whatever. You do you hun.
We've seen it already Bella hun, and it was NOT that terrific the first time around. Source L-R: Daily Mail, @bellahadid via Instagram.
The Death of the Business Bitch
Next, they created the death of the 'businesswomen's special' approach to office dressing, with athleisure and 'corporate casual' making it into the mainstream.
For businesswomen. Source: GiPHY
Personally, I am frothing the new 'PJs, but make it fashion' approach to office corporate chic. 'Leisure-style' full suits that I could potentially sleep in, comfy white trainers to run to the train in, and a baggy-all-over look to hide that Covid tum-tum are totes my sleepy babe gettin' paid vibe rn.
So, if she wears this on the red carpet, can I wear it to my monthly performance review? Source: GiPHY
Fanny packs as fashion
I even can handle their return of the bumbags, previously worn exclusively by dorky dads with white runners, even if my husband says it makes me looks me look like a low-rent drug dealer at the local train station.
But what I will not, can not, shall not tolerate under any circumstance, is the return of the low ride hipster jean from the Paris Hilton era:
I'm triggered. Source: Glamour.
Over the past few years, Gen Y and X alike have loved the high rise jean that also doubles as boob support. They're comfy, no abs required, everything squished in and held together and it makes us feel like cool girl rockstar girlfriends, okay?
When you realise all your mates who wear 'mom' jeans are old enough to actually be 'moms'. Source: GiPHY
And you're trying to take this away from us by saying that low-rise jeans are back?
We aren't doing it! The high waist is everything. We need this.
You can go low, but forever, we will stay high!
It's always a bloody Hadid or Jenner ruining everything. Source L-R: Garage, Page Six, Vice.
Remember the failed stiletto comeback?
It is a hard pass from Gen Y, just like we did on stilettos a few years back. Remember when designers tried to bring them into the mainstream again? They got all the hotties to strut around doing normal shit in them, hoping we would follow suit:
Getting petrol in stilettos? In daylight? Cbf! Source L-R: MarieClaire, People, FashionTasty.
But we were like yeah nah, pass. We'd been rocking the block heel on boots and standard open toes and points for a while now and well, we just were not and are not willing to let our feet go back. We said NO to the fashion overlords trying to make them a thing. Seriously, stilettos in the office? After Covid, with months on end in moccasins? What's next, bringing back the corset? It's over!
David says so. Source: GiPHY.
So Gen Z, I'll take your comfy shoes.
I will accept your leisure pant.
I can enjoy the return of the annoyingly practical bumbag swung across my front, and skinny jeans thrust to the back of my closet.
But if you ask me if I accept the return of the low-rise jean?
We don't accept, Gen Z.
When you go low, we'll go high.
*Headline inspired by Laller Sam Beard. Go high, Pammy.