I'm already prepping for the messages of hate to come flooding my way.
Step away from the bear, stalker. Source: elle.com
I was scrolling my Insta for the 100th time that hour when a quiz popped up. 'How much do you know about the greatest romance of all time, Sleepless in Seattle?' Um, what? You mean, a movie about a full-blown stalker getting obsessed with a man and his kid she heard on the radio one day? Hard pass. It got me thinking about some other totally overrated rom-coms that are the literal worst, despite 'rom-com' being my #1 genre. So, let's take a look. Do I make you mad? Is there one I forgot? Hey, at least getting you mad is a feeling you haven't had since being complacent on the couch the last 400 days.
*Warning: spoilers alert*
Sleepless in Seattle (1993)
Is someone going to call the authorities? Source: GiPHY
Look, I'll start with the positives. Nora Ephron + Meg Ryan + Tom Hanks should automatically = pure happiness. It's a fab title, and the scene on the Empire State is pretty iconic, I feel you. But like...let's look at the facts. Meg Ryan is a woman who legit gets OBSESSED with Tom Hanks after hearing him chat on a radio show. Oh btw she's engaged but who cares cos she HEARD HIS VOICE. After writing a letter to Tom asking to meet on Valentine's Day at the Empire State that her friend posts (wait, what?), she literally flies across the country to meet him, stalks Tom and his son and breaks up with her fiance over a vibe. Like...what? You are strangers! Call the police! Nexxxttt.
Four Weddings and a Funeral (1994)
Is it raining? I hadn't noticed except that I'm COVERED IN FUCKING WATER DROPLETS. Source: GiPHY
Words cannot express how much I vehemently despise this movie. Again, all the sets ups for success. Writer Richard Curtis (who brought us everyone's Christmas #1, Love Actually) lovable asshole Hugh Grant, plus weddings! I love weddings! But the two main characters are just so damn unlikeable, and keep getting together when they are in relationships, but doesn't matter cos THEY LOVE EACH OTHER - even leaving a poor girl at the altar! Like, are we meant to rejoice? You're a fucking asshole, dude. Hated it.
Muriel's Wedding (1994)
You're legitimately terrible, Muriel. Source: GiPHY
I'm gonna get so much shit from my fellow Australians for this. Saw it once, and immediately wanted to turn it off. Why is this called a comedy? Why was there a musical about it? It is legitimately SO SAD, stop masquerading in my fav genre, you don't belong here! Again, I'll pay respect where respect is due - good for Aussies having a hit, everyone loves them some Toni Collette, and it has given us some bangin' one-liners. But like...throughout the film, she is bullied, lives in an abusive household, has horrible friends who treat her badly, her friend gets paralysed, her mum commits suicide and she gets divorced. Like...what? How is this uplifting?! This is like, the saddest movie I've ever watched. Never again.
50 First Dates (2004)
I love you guys so much - just not in this. Source: GiPHY
I'm gonna get some serious heat from my sister on this one, she swears by it. Again - we all love Drew and Adam. But guys let's be real - we love them together in The Wedding Singer. This was a cheap ploy to bring them back together, and look I'm sorry - it's just so stupid. Like I know it's partly based on a true story, but this was done better in The Vow. It's a cute idea (man falls in love with a woman with no short term memory so he gets her to fall for him every day) but some plot points were just so far-fetched- like her family repainting a whole garage every day? I dunno. It had some okay bits mainly cos I love them both sick, but not enough for a re-watch. Pass.
Sweet Home Alabama (2002)
How dare you close down an entire Tiffany's for me! Source: GiPHY
I feel this whole movie was made just so they could play the title song. Tbh, all I really remember about this movie is that she was dating delish Patrick Dempsey who CLOSES DOWN TIFFANY'S FOR HER SO SHE CAN CHOOSE A RING, but she is like nah, I'll run off with some loser from my home town instead. Like, what? I was only 13 when I saw it and I was full-blown OUTRAGED. Go get your diamond girl! Lame.
Made of Honour (2008)
Double Dempsey, just for you. Source: GiPHY
Guys, what is it with American movies and it being totally acceptable to cheat/leave someone at the altar cos you love someone else? The Wedding Planner, Sweet Home Alabama, Sleepless in Seattle. Like...no. Just cos you're not married does not mean it isn't a real relationship! Like, ew. Anyway. Another one to join this genre of it Being Ok To Drop Someone On Your Wedding Day Cos I'm Selfish. Long story short, this is what happens when the bride drops her soon to be husb for her 'man of honour' Patrick Dempsey. Guys, see: My Best Friends' Wedding on how you are actually supposed to handle this hideous plot line. Julia always gets it right. Sheesh.
Just Friends (2005)
You're so hot and fun in real life boo, but this movie stinks. Source: GiPHY
Just such a dated plot. Was overweight, but now I'm hot and my walls are up and treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen, right boizzz? Like, ew no. Everyone is shallow and rude. It's vapid and just...boring. Nexxxttt.
Love Wedding Repeat (2020)
More holes in this than a Bunga Bunga party. Source: GiPHY
Omg. I am so upset I gave two hours slash years of my life to this movie. I legit aged watching it was so bad. What's annoying is the concept is so fun. You know, wedding, fuck it up, go back in time and fix the mistakes you made. Also, we find out the bride cheated on the groom but the bad guy is...the one who reveals it? Wait, what? It was forced, unfunny, tacky, avoidable and just so painful. PTSD just thinking about it. Let's move on, quick. I'm triggered.
Knocked Up (2007)
Better settle down with the guy you barely know and raise it then cos obvi! Source: GiPHY
This movie gave me the shits when I saw it way before #metoo, and it pisses me off even now. So..hot girl gets pregnant to one-night stand loser, DOESN'T EVEN CONSIDER other options like adoption, abortion (you don't have to do it, but at least let us see you contemplate it, it's the 00's, get real) and then stays with the loser. Heh? In real life, Katherine Heigl's career was basically detonated for saying the movie paints women as 'shrews' and 'uptight'. She was 100% correct. #JusticeForKatherine. Well, except that time she talked shit about the writers and they responded by booting her off Grey's Anatomy, Joey from Friends style...
High Fidelity (2000)
So deep and profound. Source: GiPHY
What's funny is, I grew up adoring this book, and still love works by Nick Hornby (About A Boy, Perfect Catch). But re-watching this as an adult I had...feels, and not the good kind. Namely, the main character, John Cusack, is such an asshole. He's cheated on his pregnant partner, and then they end up together basically cos they're cbf meeting other people this late in the game. Like, what? That's not romance, that's...depression. It was great in literary form for teenagers trying to be woke, but just didn't translate for me. It's a hard pass.
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So, did I make you angry? What would you take out? What would you add?
