• Jessica Taylor Yates

The Block Recap: Bathroom Reveals

If I'm paying over a million, there better be a jacuzzi.

The others must be feeling green... Source: Domain


Welcome to the weekly Block recap. Again, as some of you know, as the resident 'Work from Home (WFH) Judge', I get bored with so-called 'builders’ drama' (where is my screwdriver, I have a splinter, I mean, snooze) so we will start this recap from 7.30pm, and just go for the actual reveals...let’s hope they’re more entertaining than the Golden Chain motel reveals that was last week.


Wait.


The judges are dancing again, specifically, Darren Palmer’s nipples are twitching. Do I need to let my dog know this is not PG13? Why does this keep happening? Are they semi-getting ready for an audition on Dancing With The Stars?


Let’s press on.



Harry and Tash - VIC (1920s)


Yay 1920s! I was SO excited. Sexy mirrors and curvature aplenty! Here is what I was thinking:

Don’t upset me again guys, you’re my Victorian reps, and working on my favourite era. You got this!

They do not got this. Source: Domain.


I was seriously disappointed. Instead of glamorous mirroring and a powder room to fawn over in a silk robe with fur trim, we got ugly floor tiles, wall tiles that weren’t horrible on their own but didn’t match, and less 1920s additions than a 2050 themed party. Deco is my favourite design era (I know of about three eras) so I was not amused. Also, if you’re not gonna go the 1920s brief, go the other direction- like, if I was paying for Brahhhtiin, I would want heated floors and towel rack, cool lighting, a jacuzzi with a tv, and a wall in front of where we do Our Delicate 1s and 2s. I feel bad cos Harry seems nice and like would froth a chat over a coffee and baklava, just don’t love this bathroom. Nexxxtttt.


In-Person Judges: 21.5/30

WFH Judge: 4/10



Sarah and George (1940s)


This was a welcome next step. I’ll be honest, I didn’t really know what a 1940s bathroom was, but Google did:

I'd feel so glam. Source: Retro Renovation.


YAY PINK!!! Luckily, they got the memo:

Pink for dayyyzzz. Source: 9now


That said, I really like a lot about this. For once, it’s not standard cookie-cutter boring. The pink somehow feels vintage yet fresh, it’s clean, fun, and a real wow pop when you walk in. I would have preferred more of the pink to have made its way into the sink area:

Snazzy! Source: Victoria Plum


And maybe some better greenery like, let’s go full Madame Brussels crazy nana up in here:

More pink is always a good idea. Source: Weekend Notes


That said, I like that it adds the Brahhhtin luxe Neil is craving from his King Living sofa: a detailed vanity with ample storage, a light-up shower (to mere suburbanites like me, this is fancyyy), heated floors to be cosy cose, storage for all my expired make-up I might use one day just in case, and a privacy area for your Me Time. But get those $3 reject shop slippers and non-matching towels outta here!


The only thing I thought was annoying was imagining how painful it would be cleaning that shower- white grouting would suck. But I guess if you live here, you can pay someone to do that.


In-Person Judges: 21.5/30

WFH Judge: 7.5/10



Daniel and Jade (1930s)


1930s is fun. We are at the tail end of deco, but like, refined, right?

When in doubt, gold + greenery = vintage luxe, somehow...


Surely they're not going to do the same as last week and pretend the theme doesn't exist. Give the people what they want!

This is not what the people want. Well, maybe the actual buyers...Source: Domain


Modern, clean, nice...nothing new. Neil called it generic, and he’s right. They got shit for not being 1930s but to be fair, what did they want, a bath filled with water 10 kids had used? At the end of the day, it’s also what sells. The lighting was nice, like, I would be very happy to have this bathroom - but I’d want a free fiddle leaf fig for that top dollar.

Is it 30s? No. But would it sell? We shall see…


In-Person Judges: 23/30

WFH Judge: 6/10



Luke and Jasmine (1910s era)


1900s! Must be time for...the clawww!

I could stare dreamily out a window pretending I was a 1900s princess from here...Source: Modern Bathroom


Full disclosure: I don't really prefer a stand-alone bath. I know they're all the rage, but like...where do I put my stuff? Those bath counter thingys don't work, I'm too clumsy. But I digress. How did Luke and Jasmine choose to bring the old into the new?

Gold and a fig. They must be reading. Thanks, guys. Source: Domain.


The good: Okay, love gold (always cos bogans like me think gold = rich), so I love the mirror and lamps, they bring a touch of 1900s and somehow contemporary luxe at the same time, although WHY IS THERE ONLY ONE ON ONE SIDE I DIDN'T SEE THAT. Now I've noticed, I cannot unsee. That said, I don’t get how the timber fits in. Like, are we going sustainable timber and greenery vibe, or luxe white and gold? Together didn't work for me. I don't get it. Also, that mirror is midg.


They got some bad feedback on not having enough storage and Jasmine was like, ‘I don't think people care as much about storage as they think’ and HUN are you a minimalist or something? Mah electric toothbrush I spent $50 on and never used, spare crappy shampoo, coloured mascara I’ve never worn but convinced I will, half-sed clay masks, hidden foot fungal cream. We need the storage, k?


In-Person Judges: 23/30

WFH Judge: 6.5/10



Jimmy and Tam (1950s)


How exhausting for the others that they did so well, again. I’d be salty as. That said, I don't really know what I was expecting, other than perhaps a jukebox next to the bath (I don't know, you say 50s, I think jukebox, I can't help it. there better be one in the lounge or I'll feel ripped off):

Green with envy.


They clearly loved that teal inspo:

Okay, so we all agree: a secret wardrobe turning into a bathroom = never cease being cool, yeah? Source: Domain


I have to admit on first glance I was like WHOA that’s a lot, but as it went on, it became clearer that they really nailed the brief. We got 50s (tick) fun pool/beach vibe (tick) whilst still feeling clean, elegant and new (tick, tick, tick). The dried flowers over a plant are also handy, no petals dying all over my sink or feeling bad when your succulent dies. If I had to nitpick, I don't love the mirror and could have done with some lighting around it. Overall, I also liked that the colour gave a pop of quirk (Dan and Jade, take note) and they continue to be the only team that get that BRIGHTON IS A BEACH SUBURB MAKE IT A BEACH HOUSE FFS.


Block Judges: 28.5/30

WFH Judge: 8.5/10

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Until next week!

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