When searching for love, how often does one stop to think about and write down a checklist of exactly what they want in their partner?
Is it possible to use logic for love? Source: Wix
At some point in our lives, many of us go through the process of searching for, and finding, our dream home. In some parts of the world, a dream home is now a shoebox, but you get my drift. Equally, at some point in our lives, many of us go through the process of searching for, and finding, the person we will spend the rest of our lives with to live in that dream home.
I draw a parallel between the two because both are extremely important moments in our lives, and have a huge toll on us in some key facets, financially and more importantly, emotionally. The process of finding both these things is also extremely similar - you must be patient, you must be in a positive frame of mind and hopefully, you have clarity of thought, too.
As similar as they are, it seems that many of us are a lot less calculated in finding the love of our lives compared to finding the home of our dreams. When finding a home, a person will usually have a checklist of key elements that they can’t live without. An en suite, extra bathrooms, a garden, etc. Yet, when searching for love, how often does one stop to think about and write down a checklist of exactly what they want in their partner? And if they do, how often do they manage to ignore that magical feeling of hope they experience when they meet somebody new for the first time? That feeling that this could be 'The One', that feeling that clouds their judgement and makes them forget that huge list of things they were looking for in the person of their dreams.
Can we keep the emotion out of investments of the heart?
Thank you for coming. This is a relationship review. Source: Wix.
If you speak to a business coach, they will always tell you to keep emotion out of critical decisions within your business and base your thoughts and ideas on what is best for its future. If you speak to a real estate agent about buying property, they will always (unless they have ulterior motives) tell you to keep emotion out of critical decisions within your property portfolio. So, how come we don’t keep emotion out of the critical decision that is spending the rest of our lives with one person?
You may have heard the theory (especially when you're single) that love comes to you when you least expect it, when you’re not looking for it, when you’re focusing on other things in your life. Well, actually - I think it’s true, and I have a theory of my own. Those that are not consciously thinking about finding someone have clarity in their minds. They’re not worried about their own insecurities, their behaviour is not affected by negative thoughts, and ultimately, they feel empowered and happy. Once you achieve that feeling, people are naturally intrigued and they want to know how and why you can be that way!
Some of you might be reading this and thinking, “We’re not robots, we all have emotions and we can’t just ignore them.” I do agree. Inevitably, we will feel all sorts of emotions when we think we might have found someone awesome to spend all our time with, but emotions are not random, they’re based on something and your brain usually has something to do with it.
We’ve been lead to believe that love begins in the heart. Well, I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but love is an emotion and emotions are concocted via thoughts within your mind. The heart does pump blood through our body though, so you should still respect it. If we know love is an emotion and it’s based on thoughts, then it becomes clear that the best way to control our love life is to control our thoughts. Logic.
So, to find happiness in our love life, we must first please our mind.
How do we do that?
These should be mandatory on dates. Source: Wix.
Well, I propose that you start by trying to find clarity in what exactly you’re looking for. Write a checklist in order of priority, make the larger priorities a larger box to tick and as the list goes on, the boxes should get smaller and smaller based on the level of priority. Once you have your checklist written down and your mind is clear on what you want, you’ll find that as you meet people who help you tick off your biggest boxes, that ‘love’ emotion will start to grow again and you’ll find the ultimate happiness in your partner.
Too many of us allow ourselves to be victims of our emotions, “I fell in love and it didn’t work out.” Maybe that person was never the right one to start with, but you allowed your hopes to override the truth. Maybe you fell in love with the concept of finding love and your emotions got in the way of what should have been a logical series of thoughts. Does this person have what I’m looking for? A good sense of humour? A great career? An amazing six-pack? Whatever it is you’re looking for in a partner (six-pack should probably be a smaller check box, but that's just me...) make sure you THINK about whether they are ticking your boxes.
So all in all, when you’re investing your money into a property or investing your time and emotion into another person, it’s important to have a clear idea of what exactly it is that you’re looking for. The clearer your mind, the more stable your emotions, the better your decision-making process, the better the result. So try to decide whether it’s a walk-in wardrobe, a double garage, a fitness freak or a vegan you’re looking for before you make your next big investment of the heart.
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You can view more of Ilya Lanster's work here.
