• Nicole Sherwin

The Disappearance of Your TV Hits Poster Crushes

Call me Detective Olivia Benson, because I've been investigating what happened to your first ever crushes.

Shhh. Source: nickiswift.com

This week, we asked you in the Large Almond Latte Facebook group, "What's the worst movie you've ever seen?"

A few weeks ago, Jess and I shared our list of definitive worst romcoms ever and fans, you got rowdy. This is not podtatorship, it’s a podocracy, so we gave you the mic to share your worst movies ever. I had every intention of doing a segment on it, but then to my great surprise, I hadn’t actually seen a lot of the movies and honestly, after your feedback, nor do I want to. I would rather headbutt nails than watch a movie starring only seagulls with no dialogue, thanks fan Annette. Instead, I’ve stayed in the general realm of movies, albeit on a leash as long as the one in Will and Jada’s open marriage.

Henceforth, you may refer to me as Detective Olivia Benson, because today I have been investigating offences considered especially heinous. The worst celebrity crime of all: the disappearance at the height of fame. Fans, I’ve been sleuthing the streets of the interwebs to find the whereabouts of the subject of your TV Hits Wall posters. Let's go:

Jonathan Taylor Thomas

11 month old me couldn't even. Source: Ophah Mag

Jonathan Taylor Thomas was my first introduction to sex. I was eleven months old, watching Home Improvement through the bars in my cot, thirsting over this eight-year-old's bowl cut with a pack-a-day smoker's voice. Is it acceptable to have a crush on an animated animal? Because I did. JTT voiced OG Simba and he was a babe. But the pressures of childhood fame, aka my dream, were too much. JTT decided he wanted to get an education that consisted of more than four hours a day locked away with a tutor in a caravan on set. He left Home Improvement and went on to study at Harvard and Columbia. But hold your applause. At Harvard, he studied ‘Philosophy’ and at Columbia ‘General Studies.’ What an anti-climax! So he’s basically that guy that went to the moon with Buzz and Neil and didn’t get out of the rocket.