We will not hesitate to use the 'Splurge' account for these luxurious items.
Number of acceptable indoor plants and cushions? The limit does not exist. Source: Bunnings
This week we asked you in the Large Almond Latte Facebook Group, "What's totally worth money?"
When it comes to purchases, you know I’m all about the frugal life. If I’m online shopping, I’ve got like five different emails so I can get those sign up discount codes, there are shops you know always have 20% off so I’ll never buy full price and it’s always preferable to shop with the Shopback app. We've talked about how to save before, and what makes you look rich AF. But some products just know their worth and will NEVER have promotions or sales. So arrogant, but they know they don’t have to because they are quality and we will pay full price - over priced full price even! - Every. Single. Time.
Remember how my very first episode was signs of the 1/3 life crisis? (If you don’t obviously go back and listen, it’s a good one.) Well fans, we could add all of these to that list. From asking you in our Facebook Group this week – ‘What’s totally worth the money?’ it’s clear that we’re not spending our money on Contiki tours anymore, we spend our money on things that make us fucking old (and refined), but old.
Banned! Source: GiPHY
As fan Holly said, we need to be looking at the second bottom shelf for wine now. Under $25 if you're under 25. Unfortunately, the cost-effective Passion Pop is no longer an option, because we just can’t deal with being hungover for 11 days after. And anything that comes in a box, well we may as well drink vom, because that’s what’s coming up later. Remember when you would try to not look cheap by getting the second cheapest wine on the menu? Can’t even do that anymore, it’s more like the third cheapest. Look, you probably actually have an appreciation for wine and make a selection based on the year and winery. And if you’re real flush, just straight to the Moët.
We also have really bougie food tastes, I guess your palette just really refines with age. If you’re looking to save money, you need to fuck avocado. In comparison to your golden tongue buys, buying an avo is like buying a bag of lollies from the milk bar in 1975. These are what you really need to cut back on, but also don’t, because why be miserable?
Mmm. Source: GIPHY
For breakfast, we can’t be having tasty fruit loops every day, because My 600lb Life is real, but we want to start our day off right, in the positive, with some spenny museli. Carmen's is the overpriced mainstream brand of choice, which fans Carly and Jess enjoy. I know I talk about groceries a lot, but I’m in lock down and my daily outing is to the supermarket, it’s hard to get more creative. If you’re real flush going to your grocer or Thomas Dux and getting the locally produced variety with edible gold leaf in it, is the ultimate indulgence. It’s like $30 a bag. Of course, muesli, like vodka, is better consumed with a mixer, so we’ll be mixing it with some lush yoghurt, like fan Katherine. But Yoplait Petit Miam is for babies. We’ll be mixing it with some Gippsland Yoghurt, or my personal choice is Biodynamic Organic. I don’t know what that means, but it tastes good. Muesli is such a valuable possession, I actually have received the worst karma for ‘borrowing’ some spenny museli. My friend at work is there part time, and I 'borrowed' some of her museli for breakfast when she wasn’t there and I choked on a cluster. I was legit chocking and my friend had to hit me on the back so I spit it up. Terrifying.
Speaking of spenny food. So everyone knows that a budget lunch is tuna, rice, feta. But even our budget lunch is lavish. You know it’s the day after payday when you see people chowing down on Sirena Tuna, like fans Laura and Stephanie. I honestly can’t tell the difference, but I don’t know, maybe their fish tank water is cleaned daily? But with feta, I don’t even know why any other option exists. I’m with fan Ali, Meredith is the only option. It might be extravagantly priced, but it’s basically two things in one, because you get the cheese but you also get the delicious marinade to spread over the other blander elements of your meal. So it’s really a bargain, especially if you buy in bulk. The 2kg tub of Meredith is only $85.
Except blue. Get out. Source: GIPHY
It’s not just Meredith cheese we’ll pull out the Splurge account for. It’s any cheese. Because instead of going out with a group of friends to the movies and getting a popcorn and coke, we now stay home with Netflix and a finely curated cheese board and our $25 wine. I have a cheese hierarchy depending on who my company is. If I want to look cool and I like the people I’m chowing down with, it’s cheese from a cool room. Like a nice ostentatious French- $40-a-wedge triple cream brie, a Swissy Gruye, a Berrys Creek Riverine blue. If it’s like my Myspace Top 8, probably a blend of cool room, but also a classic d'Affinois and Lavosh. Then there’s outer friends and family which I’m not impressing, or my boyfriend, whose idea of a fancy dessert is Vienetta. They’ll get a Mercer Valley (like ol' mate Bachie) and whichever brie is on special, probably King Island and Savoys. Then there’s the work BBQ, where I’ll be bringing the South Cape 4 cheese entertainment platter.
At 8pm sharp. Source: GIPHY
In terms of other products that are totally worth the money - our furniture might be of the Fantastic Furniture variety, but we spend the money where it counts. We need Home and Contents insurances just for our beds. Remember when you stayed over at your friend's house after a party (mainly so your parents wouldn’t pick you up after you’d necked a six pack of UDLs), and there were 15 of you sleeping on the floor? My back aches thinking about that! As Fan Faye advocates, a high calibre mattress, preferably of the orthopaedic variety, is strongly preferred. If we’re spending all that cash on a sleeping rack, they better be throwing in some free ergonomic pillows, which are specifically designed for your sleeping position. Look even if they don’t, I’ll pay for them because they’re the shit, so I agree with fan Karina. My ergonomic pillow is so deluxe it has this material that gives it a permanent cold slide. Mmm.
Our beds are obviously adorned with deluxe bedding. A nice, warm duck doona, 100% Egyptian cotton or linen sheets, or even cooling sheets if you’re a hot sleeper. Good Housekeeping just told me that even though thread counts do go over 1000, the sweet spot is actually between 300-500 and they sound legit. It’s literally the reason I have an Adair's membership, such value. No wonder I sleep like 12 hours a night, and yes, I do have a small baby. But it is shit if you live in an apartment building. I’ve had my sheets stolen from the communal clothes horse, like did you think I won’t steal it back as soon as you wash it, which I obviously did and washed it like five times before I used it again.
Not enough. Source: GIPHY
A contentious topic in many households, but, “Yes, she did need to buy another throw cushion.” You need them for your bed and your couch, that’s at least six. Then, you need light materials for summer, dark for winter and they have to match. So, if you have all like greys and blacks, then you buy one pink, you’re going to need to get another one that has some pink in it somewhere. That’s at least 35 cushion min. And unlike a majority of household décor, Kmart is just not an option for these. They need to be PLUSH. And you can only achieve a plush throw cushion with coin, says fan Georgia, and I agree. Another very handy use for the old Adair's membership.
Plant Queens. Source: GIPHY
Unless you’ve got quite prosperous pockets, you probably won’t be garnishing your walls with an original Monet or artefact from Tutankhamen’s tomb, but we’re beyond decorating with the souvenirs we picked up on our last trip to Bali. And honestly, it’s probably a bit problematic to have a cheap knock off dream catcher on your wall anyway. So, we spend, but spend usefully, for basic bitches. The number one decorative item for the basic bitch from fan John is the low maintenance house plants. Cannot go wrong. They provide oxygen and look good. Closely followed for fan Lisa’s choice, proper soy candles. They have to be legit. I will pay $150 for a Byredo or Diptyque candle every time, because there is nothing worse than using a candle once and the then scent disappears. If I just wanted fir,e I’d keep my gas cook top on. While you’re picturing this living area, which I’m assuming is just your own, make sure you picture it with the most expensive addition of all: Warmth. As fan Brittany said, we will pay for heating - and that shit is more expensive than our cheese.
Oh fans, it’s so nice to earn more than $7 an hour at Jetty Surf and have a nice bed.
Thirsty for more? Listen to a new ep of the Large Almond Latte Pod, out every Tuesday on your preferred streaming app.
